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Heart Dog Studios is up for best pet photography in San Diego. Currently, we're in second place, with 21% of the votes. The business in the lead has a huge lead. Please help narrow the gap and VOTE for Heart! Borias will thank you very much : ) There's a convenient button up to the right of the blog, just click it and cast your vote. Thanks so much! 

~Tami and Borias

Hard News

I didn't grow up with my biological father, or even any father for the first decade of my life. My mother remarried when I was ten, but despite desperately wanting a good father figure, things didn't go that way with my stepfather. I visited my biological dad maybe once a year, sometimes less. I remember eagerly anticipating these visits, and wanting his approval very much. 

I'm a lot like him, really. A loner, a ponderer, voracious for learning, in love with nature and the peaceful solitude that comes with her. Interesting how one can develop so many traits of a parent they didn't grow up with. My mom tells me that I indeed inherited a lot from him. 

Through the years, we've drifted in and out of each other's lives. Usually I would hunt him down through an uncle, and we would catch up, and talk for hours and hours. About all sorts of subjects. About six years ago, we fell out of contact again. He didn't sound well, and told me how he had been in the hospital, and was bloating quite a bit. He had been a bit of a drinker through his lifetime, and I'm sure it did a number on his inner workings. We were supposed to get together and visit, but it never materialized. I suppose a big part of me was afraid to see him in such poor health. 

He was on my mind a lot, and I kept meaning to try and find him again. I had his old cell phone number on one of my old cell phones, but never got around to trying it. Life went on, and time flies by. 

Well, I did something "random" the other day. I googled my half brother's name. I have a sister as well, but I didn't know what her last name was, though oddly, she has lived in the same city as me all this time. I haven't seen him in about 18 years, and her even longer. I found a quote from some article, that had my brother's name, which is quite unique. Turns out he's a Master Sergeant in the Army. So I went on Yahoo Answers, and asked how to get in touch with someone in the military. Someone asked his name, and I told him in a private message. Next thing I knew, I had my brother's email...

So I sent a brief letter, saying I hoped it was really him, and how I found him. Next thing I know, he emailed me back, and it was indeed him! He said he almost deleted it, thinking it might be one of those spam scam type emails. I can't believe it was that easy. Another irony is that was my half sister's birthday, too. So on Friday, I called him, and we talked for a couple hours. And that's when I found out. 

He had a hard time telling me, faltering a bit. I had asked if dad was still with us in my email. Well, sadly, I found out that he passed about three years ago. I felt the sting, and swallowed it. Just registered it and kept on talking about this and that with my brother. I was so happy to be talking to him, I just put it aside for the time being. 

When we finally hung up, I let it hit me a little more. But it's taken some time to really hit me. It's just so strange to think he's not around any longer. And I am not sure how to feel about taking so long to get in touch with family again. I'm feeling not a small amount of guilt and regret. I wish I would have been there for him. Though I hear he was out camping in the middle of nowhere, just weeks before he died. Same ol' dad. 

The loss of a parent, even one who you have had a sporadic relationship with, is monumental. I'm having a difficult time dealing with it. I'm being given to bouts of crying out of the blue. He wasn't that old. Around 65 I think. Far too young to leave. And he went alone in his trailer. A loner to the end. It's just so sad. 

I am looking forward to having a relationship with my siblings on that side of the family again, though. Matt sounds like he's grown to a really good man. And he's got two daughters. One has artistic talent like me, he told me : ) 

Hopefully I can process this, and make peace with it in my mind. I've been listening to the "Into the Wild" soundtrack. That film reminds me of my dad so much. He took off to Alaska as a young man, living in a cave. Now the film will have even deeper meaning for me. 

Good bye dad. I'm so sorry. I love you. 

July Already!

Dear God, where does the time go?? I haven't posted in nearly a month?? I'm sorry! I've been so busy, and on the computer even. I feel chained to this Macbook Pro of mine. 

First, I'm building a new spiffy website for my photography. It's going to have Flash, and full screen images. Can't wait. Then I had to work on figuring out my pricing, which is not the most fun part of the biz, I tell ya. Then I've ordered almost 200 photos, some for a client, and a lot for samples and for me. Most of Borias! Can't have enough pics of my boy!

Speaking of the subject of this blog, he's been doing pretty well. We're at acupuncture every two weeks now. But our last visit to see the chiropractor didn't reap such great news. She felt his neck out of whack again, and his left elbow was "crunchy". I remembered that when he was young, x-rays showed a slight separation in that elbow, and one vet said it was probably Elbow Dysplasia. But a few others said it wasn't bad enough, but it could eventually be an issue. 

I guess that eventually is here :( All the overcompensating for his weaker hind end is probably making it harder on his front joints, so it's starting to break down the elbow more. As if I didn't have enough to worry about with him. Well, there's treatments to help keep it from deteriorating faster. When we go see Dr. Keith for acupuncture on Tuesday, we're going to discuss Adequan shots. 

Borias' mother has been on that for arthritis for years, and it helps quite a lot. So I'm hopeful. His chiropractor thinks that he probably hurts when he walks for distances. And now it makes sense that he appears to have sore feet. I think he still does, but some of it is also that elbow. I can see him favoring it when he does limp on rougher surfaces. For some reason that seems to hurt him more. 

I'm also reading up on diets that are more anti-inflammatory. There's one for Degenerative Myelopathy, which he doesn't have, but it helps joint inflammation the same way. Supposedly it involves tofu! OK, I like tofu, but not so sure Borias is gonna dig it ha ha. 

And boy, summer is here. It's just starting to move out of June gloom, and into July heat. I think it's time to buy a heavy-duty fan for the house, and hang out with my buddy til it cools off during the day. Neither of us do well in extreme heat!